They don’t see me…an unedited thought becomes a musing…unedited…

Yesterday, while I got ready to fellowship with men from my church, I had a thought. “They don’t see me.” I, like everyone else, hide my scars, trauma and past with a sly smile or a quirky grin.

“Oh God, they can’t see the real me. If they do, they won’t like me anymore.”

It’s more common than I realize, I’m sure. When people look at me, they don’t see the moments I stand in front of a mirror and ask God why He brought me home from war and not others.

They don’t see me chewing anxiety pills to go to social gatherings, nor do they see me withdrawing into my shell to protect everyone else around me because my temper setting is on rage.

Not everyone has the same burden, but we all have a past, a struggle, and a lack of self-confidence at times. All of us may not have the same weakness, but we all have one.

And we all cover it up by pretending to be what others think we are.

People don’t hear the screams in my mind from my time at war. They don’t see the horrors that fly through my mind like a movie on the big screen. They’re not in my house to witness me up at 0140 afraid to go to sleep because of what I might dream about.

They don’t see me.

Our lives are hectic, crammed to the brim with things we consider important. “There’s no time for (name something you don’t have time for here).” Then, like rats on acid, we scurry on to something else.

We interact with each other without looking at the person we’re dealing with. We’re on the clock, we’ve got deadlines, life is happening and every second we’re not rushing through our moments we think we are wasting time.

We don’t see each other.

Behind every smile are tears we never see. There’s a loss we don’t know about, a hurt that we haven’t heard about. Each of us are trying to get as much out of life as we can.

We rush by our nose shoved into our phones or tablets, never stopping to show each other we care about them. Dinner is interrupted by the chime of the telephone, by the latest ‘celebrity’ video criticizing the President, and then it’s back to the rat race.

We don’t see each other.

Slowing down goes against our nature. We’re distracted by the news, by the latest gadgets, or newest home, car, the next step on the ladder to success. Our attention is on everything but the right thing.

I don’t even know why I’m writing this. Maybe I am writing it to remind myself that behind the smile or grin, there’s a person that needs to know that someone can see the real them.

Because the pain that fills our lives is all to real. The sting of loss, the weeping that comes with heartache, all of it is real, and it takes someone who can see past the smile to help the person that is hurting, heal.

Be the change you want to see in the world.

Freeman


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