My sleep deprived ramblings…unedited…

It’s 0140 and I’m still awake.

I couldn’t sleep, so I put in a Jean Claude Van Damme movie thinking it would bore me to sleep. Instead, I found one of his better movies, Until Death.

The movie deals with a lot of different issues such as addiction, the loss of your true love, and the horrible decisions we make when we let go of the reins of our lives.

In a rare moment of emotional and mental honesty, I made a statement when love exited the character’s life. “Life is empty without her.” Van Damme did a fantastic job portraying a deeply flawed man whose addiction and bad decisions had tragic consequences.

Maybe it’s the fact I relate to this story of addiction, of bad decisions and the consequences that have haunted me through the past decade and a half, maybe that’s why I can’t sleep.

Writing is how I purge my soul when the howls of my demons grow to loud. Of course, the invasion of Ukraine could have something to do with my insomnia as well. As enlightened as society likes to think it is, as many advances in science, math, and communication has sent us forward, we still think war is a vital part of our advancement.

It’s strange to me how ‘anti-war’ I’ve become. I fall back on the wisdom of a friend who once told me: Son, there’s got to be a better way. He is correct in his take on war and life in general. War should never be our first option, if conflict can’t be avoided it should be the last thing, we do to each other.

My heart goes out to those trapped in the middle of this conflict. Nowhere is safe when you’re in a war zone. Children are fighting against the Russian military in Ukraine. What kind of world are we living in when we send untrained children to fight against professional soldiers?

I pray this conflict is over sooner rather than later. The wolf has nothing to fear from the sheep, and Ukraine fighting against Russia is the sheep fighting back against the wolf.

It’s not going to end there.

China is prepping to take Taiwan and once again, the world waits with bated breath for the other shoe to drop. There is nothing we can do. If I were any other nation, state, or country, I wouldn’t count on the assistance of the United States.

America has become an ineptocracy. We’re led by the incompetent or in Biblical terms, “it’s the blind leading the blind.” It breaks my heart to write this but it’s the truth. President Joe Biden is playing checkers while the rest of the world is playing chess.

There’s nothing to do but watch and wait, to pray for God’s protection upon His children in Ukraine. Things always get worse before they get better, the night is darkest before the dawn, and all the sayings in the world won’t bring any comfort to those trying to live to see another sunrise.

Still, one holds onto the belief that maybe we can find a way to bring this invasion to a close without further bloodshed. Hope, while in short supply, is what will keep them going. The faith that the nations of the world will not let Russia run roughshod over them will sustain them until it doesn’t.

I’m struggling, looking for any reason to believe that my government is redeemable. I hope they don’t let me down, but I fear my trust is misplaced.

Sunrise is mere hours away, maybe the break of a new day will bring good tidings. All we can do is hope and pray.


0220, 25 February 2022

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