The power of a moment…a few thoughts…unedited…

I apologize for my lack of writing recently.

Y’all can probably relate to some of what I am about to write. For the past month I have struggled to move past an idea for a piece of writing. It’s not a story, nor is it fiction. The writing itself is not controversial, but it does require me to be more honest than I normally am when it comes to writing.

That’s not to say my writings are lies, but I do exaggerate certain things.

But here we are. Thermopolis Konan and Lilly must wait until I’ve explored what has weighed heavily on my heart and mind.

All my life I’ve heard that life is made of moments. For an example, your wedding day is a moment of sheer ecstasy. Or maybe your divorce fills that role, either way, both of those serve as a moment (or two moments if we’re being technical.)

For me, my time at war served as a moment. That moment lasted over a decade, but it’s one large moment. In that moment, I’ve seen and done horrible things. The smell of charred flesh still reeks in my nostrils at times, the screams of friends and foe alike resound through my mind with the same terror as the original moment all those years ago.

Even now I see the horrors that I’ve witnessed.

It’s been a long month and a half. I’m behind on everything and my mind won’t relent. Sometimes I’ve wished for a delete button in my life. I don’t want to undo the lessons I learned in this particular moment, but I would like to erase my memory of it.

War taught me there are no good guys or bad guys. I’m not a ‘cause’ person. I don’t care that global warming is going to kill us all. We’ll die from something. If it’s not global warming, our diet might end us. So, with that perspective in mind, I go about my life and focus on living.

One moment shouldn’t ruin a person’s life though. It should not have the impact that my warfighting days has had on my life. Still, those days while far behind me, still plague me.

“It’s just one moment,” I tell myself hoping to throw off the shroud of lethargy and despair.

And that is true. It’s only one moment, one span of time, one moment of me being consumed with rage, anxiety, stress, and hatred. That one moment when I no longer recognized myself in the mirror.

That’s the power of one moment.

I don’t want to end on this note of horrid memories. So, I’ll tell you of another moment.

On a cold day in January of 2016, I moved back home to Mississippi. My life fell apart in 2011, but I kept banging my head against the wall until the end of 2015.

I had turned my back on my upbringing and went off in search of something new. Heh. No matter how I looked at my life, all I saw was failure.

“Move over Job, I need your pile of ashes”

At first things moved slowly and seemed no different than my situation in Colorado. However, one thing made all the difference. In my pursuit of academic excellence, okay that’s too much exaggeration, in pursuit of my degree, I met a nice woman who tutored me in the fine art of Algebra.

She invited me to church. I liked her, so I went to her church. Funny how that works out, huh? Anyway, the church had a revival service, and I went to it.

The more I went to church, the less my baggage seemed to weigh. I slept better and my bitterness seemed to not be so bad. Hot tears streamed down my face during that service, and I stood to my feet. I lifted both hands in the air and in that one moment, I found something I had searched for since I left the bloody sands of Iraq.

I found redemption.

One thought on “The power of a moment…a few thoughts…unedited…

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  1. Redemption is Gods unique gift of love to each individual who seeks it with his/her heart. It a gift we should cherish and hold near to our heart. Not a gift to sell or give away… but a gift to share with others. I’m glad you made your way and found redemption!

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