Am I nuts?

Am I nuts?

This question runs through my mind most days. My sanity or lack thereof is a question of sparse moments which combine to make one complete fragment. Oft days I remind myself everything doesn’t require a reaction. It is like a mental trigger to keep me calm. “Relax. Breathe. Let it go.” This small mantra is part of my peace regiment.

As I muddle through my life, I ponder the cost of my personal peace. Some days it cost me nothing to remain at peace with the world. On other days, the cost is far too high. Memories eviscerate my peace. However, often these days rarely cross my radar. When they do, my first response is prayer. The second step is to go for a long walk through the woods. If it is peace I am seeking, I go where peace is located. The woods is a nice place to get your mind right.

Peace is worth it.

I don’t think I am nuts. Of course, that is what every person who are nuts thinks about their mental acuity. “Surely, I would know if I were nuts!” Except you wouldn’t. Normalcy is a perspective not shared by everyone. Sometimes, our view is warped to fit the scenario we are trapped in. Therein lies the issue. A normal life is not for everyone. One person’s normal is another person’s insanity. There are no scales when it comes to normalcy.

Therefore, in my mind, I feel fine. Normal. Is it real? I have no idea. Will it last or is it only a temporary peace? Only time will tell. To confess my soul, I am looking forward to finding out if it is a lasting peace. If it’s not, I can start over.

Let the games begin. It is after 0100, I am going to seek out some peace and quiet.

8 December 2019

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