Arguing with myself…

Two AM is no time to argue with yourself.

I woke up with two different thoughts running through my mind, and to be honest I am not in the mood to listen to either. “Walk away, burn every bridge and block access to you. Be the island you were meant to be!” It sounds like a good idea. After all, who wants to waste their whole life hoping for certain things but never receiving? The other thought was similar but different. “Proceed carefully, guard your heart, things will turn around in your favor.”

Whatever.

It’s 0230 and these idiots continue to bicker, each wanting to influence my decisions. To top it all off, it’s raining again. Supposedly, there is a cold front coming in. Temperatures are supposed to be in the 30s. Good, maybe the frost will kill my grass and emotions. As they say in GOT, “Winter is coming.” I enjoy this time of the year. The leaves change colors, and everything dies only to be renewed in the spring. It is only the cycle of life. These two yammering idiots are also a part of the cycle of life.

Nothing lasts forever, everything dies.

Well to be fair, somethings are walked away from because there is no hope to be found. Even in the Bible there are examples of people who reached the end of their patience. One such example was the owner of a fig tree. If I’m not mistaken, he told the groundkeeper to “uproot it and burn it” because it didn’t bear fruit. The groundkeeper begged his master to let him work with the tree one more year. I suppose the lesson here is to not give up. It is entirely to early for deep thoughts, I haven’t even had my coffee yet.

Sleep tugs at my eyelids but I need to finish this. If I am going to get any rest, I suppose I need to decide what to do about these non-issues.  Do I walk away and torch every bridge which leads to me, or do I continue to try? I am of the opinion it doesn’t even matter. If it hasn’t mattered to this point, why does it matter now? Hopefully, this will silence the voices who interrupted my sleep.

I’m going back to bed.

31 October 2019

P.S. Happy Halloween

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