“I am going to bury this crap so deep; I will never have to deal with it again.” 24 September 2019 is the day I reached my limit. “If I must deal with it again, I am going to spend a long time making a statement of violence. The last thing I am going to do to this emotion is kill it. I want it to suffer, the way it has made me suffer.” In the back of my mind Nickelback is rocking out to their song, “Never Again.” Hands on the keys, I wait for the medication to draw my eyes to a close. It’s not working.
Is it possible to simply disappear and never be heard from again? To completely shut down all access to yourself, and be a ghost in a hyped-up world? For those who may be concerned, I am not referring to suicide. Can a man be alone forever, and be happy? My heart feels like it is going 100 mph, but I have exerted no effort, still the question persists. The new medicine makes my heart race, but makes my brain slow down. Is it possible for a man to erase all contact with the human world and live alone happily? I don’t think so. Don’t misunderstand me, I would probably like it if it was possible, but I think the Almighty put a trigger in our brain that keeps us from going completely over to solitude for the long haul.
Why must we seek companionship with people? I like my dogs. My dogs are nice, they eat what I give them. No matter the type of day I have, they still love me. They are faithful. Chunk and Roscoe will never abandon me because they disagree with me. People don’t do that; they have bad days and they argue. Yeah, I understand about intercourse and reproducing life. I have children. The family name will live on. Somewhere in this cloud of medication are the answers to these stupid questions.
Is being a hermit the answer to a life with no complications brought on by human interaction? I like human beings. Granted, I like my dogs more, but I can deal with humanity. Good people abound, but we still fall prey to our human nature. It’s a beast we can’t slay. Some people give in to their nature and their nature is crap. Wouldn’t it be wise to avoid this kind of interaction? It would be different I suppose, if we had our decision-making history printed out, so each person who wanted to interact with us could preview our tendencies. “Oh, you married a stripper. Okay then.” This would cut down on the chances of you having an interaction with a less stellar specimen. It would also be a huge invasion of privacy. I like my dogs.
Don’t get me twisted, I am glad there are people. Eight billion humans on a solitary planet with finite resources, and we keep adding to the population. What’s the worst that could happen? Where are we going to put all these people? No wonder there are wars. One group of humans probably trespassed on the other’s yard. Dogs have one emotion, love. Yeah, they will bite you if you irritate them. However, its their nature to be loving and faithful. Humans will shoot, stab, rob, rape and pillage because their nature is to complex for their Neanderthal brain. “I’m medicated….or…I was oppressed….” These are only excuses. Who cares what your environment was like when you were growing up? “I was surrounded by drug dealers and pimps; therefore, I became a drug dealing pimp.” Why didn’t you strive to become a doctor or a lawyer? Yes, you can do it. Many people have overcome similar obstacles and made their mark on history. You don’t have to be a criminal, you chose that path. My dogs are cute.
My medicine isn’t working. Why? I could only guess, but I bet it has something to do with a human.
24 September 2019