Why won’t you try again? A Walk in Darkness…

“How far can you push a person away before they reach their breaking point and walk away from the situation forever?” Asking for a friend.

Obviously, some of us are gluttons for punishment (speaking from a place of introspection, sorry.) We line up for our forty lashes and ask for more. “Please kind sir, strike me again and put some stank on it!” It matters not the realm this occurs in, (romance, career, religion etc). some of us know better and do it anyway. Why? Because we want something so bad, we don’t care what it cost. I wrote a post the other day and deleted it, but I will summarize it in a few sentences. “We are our own worst enemies. The same trap that snared Adam and Eve trips us up time and time again. If it looks good, we sample it. For some reason or other, we never learn when it comes to matters of the heart. Our heart overrides our brain and we end up in a world of crap.” Let me rephrase that statement, most of us are wired this way, the rest are wired to never get past the overthinking stage.

I could make a blanket statement concerning pushing folks away, but I won’t. Instead, I will say this: Life will continue to pummel us, regardless if we get back on the horse which threw us off or not. It doesn’t matter if we never feel ready to try again, nor does it matter if we continually get up repeatedly. Life’s hands are rated “E” for everybody. I would pose one question to bring the whole point home: Why wouldn’t you try again?

If you never get up from the dirt, you may avoid some pain. Yet, you have decided to quit living and only exist until its your turn to check out. When my divorce was final, questions filled my mind, but one day during my darkness I hit upon a truth. “She didn’t let her loss keep her from moving on to the next stage of her life.” Any remorse felt was discarded and she went on her way. I was jealous of her ability to move past the hurt and find something to make her life better. I still am.

When people leave you when you need them the most, it hurts. The feeling of never being enough is hard to shake. Being treated like an option to break the monotony of someone’s life if other plans fail is also difficult to overcome. However, these same people don’t invest in you, why would you let them keep you down when you weren’t good enough to begin with? They cut their losses and moved on, why won’t you? Get out of the dirt and try again.

I know all to well the fear of starting over. It is a scary thing to try again. Fear clouds our mind and we often fall prey to the fear. It takes a lot of guts to stand on your own, to attempt to move forward when your whole world has crashed to the ground around you. No one can tell you when you are ready to try, but to avoid it weakens the warrior within you. You didn’t know you had a warrior inside of you, did you? Each of us possesses an aggressive spirit that wells up from time to time, this aggression comes from being walked on too many times. It is to remind you that you are an overcomer. Warriors don’t lie in the dirt. They rise from the ground, regardless of the wounds and blood, smile through busted lips, crack their neck and beckons for more. “Come to Daddy.”

If you reach your breaking point, its okay to break. None of us were designed to take a constant beating without reaching our limit. It is okay to step back, re-evaluate, plot your point, and try again. Nothing risked, nothing gained is a simple truth of life. If you ever hope to overcome your issue, you must be willing to risk it all. Don’t worry, if you don’t get it this time, try again. Eventually, you will rise above the dark.

24 September 2019

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