I could have been….

For many years, I thought I had learned all the lessons my divorce had to teach me. It turns out I was wrong. This morning, another revelation sprung to mind as I made my way home. I did not give up on the marriage, I gave up on my children. Sitting in this broke-back recliner, I can’t help but wonder why I was so hellbent to give up. Prior to breakfast, I read an article about DNA. In the article, a university did research and stated that the more partners a woman has sex with the more it changes the cells in her body. My thoughts turned to my daughters and I find myself wishing I could have been the dad they thought I was.

I could have been a good man. An example to be emulated, but instead, I gave up. I could have been a steady presence in their time of trouble, but instead, I am a faceless voice at the end of a telephone call.

I could have been…but I wasn’t.

It seems my scars will never heal.

21 September 2019