I am sitting in McDonald’s killing time before my bus route. Given the recent bouts with depression, and throwing myself the world’s smallest pity party, I have decided to simplify my life. Becoming a hermit was one part of my temporary plan, the other part was to cut off all avenues of approach to me. Good-bye Facebook and Pinterest, church, friends, and anything else that someone could use to breach my inner sanctum. However, Thursday was a day of reckoning for me. My pastor asked me to help him secure his purchase of an internet café in Nashville, Tennessee. My thought and response was simple, “Why not?” So, Thursday morning at or about 0600 we struck out for Nashville.
The quiet morning was broken with scattered conversation and laughter. We stopped to eat breakfast, and the conversation switched topics. We finally arrived at our destination, a quick word with the supervisor and we were shown to the café. Tables, chairs and stools littered the area, and we sat out to work. It took almost two hours, but our trailer was packed from front to rear. My pastor decided we needed another vehicle, so we went to U-haul and rented another truck. We finished and made our journey home. Drenched with sweat, the four of us were exhausted but we made it back home safely.
During the ride back, I breached a subject and my pastor listened intently. When he finally responded, his response took my breath away for a moment. Astonishment blurred my vision, when I finally regained my composure, I looked at him. He smiled and we finished our conversation. It was at this moment that I realized that my answer had been in front of me the whole time. Since that time, I have come to realize that blocking people out of my life is probably not the right response. I am still considering being a hermit for a while, it is a good way to avoid pain. However, what doesn’t kill me gives me serious coping issues, increases my temper, and darkens my outlook. Refraining from interacting with people may solve some of the issues, but then again it could heighten the insecurity that I feel today. I suppose time will tell what the story will be.
Take care and I will chat with you all later.