It is morning here in North Mississippi. After a fretful evening, I was able to drift off to sleep for a bit. My mind is quiet, no thoughts of “what if” are clanging around and giving me an ulcer. I am safe from myself for the time being.
Hindsight shows that I never should have left the solitude that I had created through the years after my divorce. However, I can create it again. Some people think that you can’t grow if you never risk pain, or that you can’t find love without going through heartache. To each their own I suppose. I don’t particularly care for pain, therefore, I am okay with never experiencing it again.
Plenty of people make a good living passing off advice and informing us that being emotionally stifled is dangerous. “You can’t let anger build up! It’s bad for your heart and sanity!” I heard this crap for over ten years. I toiled tirelessly to build the walls that kept my heart from being vulnerable. It took one year to undo the work that I had put in to keep me safe. It took another to completely decimate my emotional state. It seems that I am not happy unless I destroy my life and set it on fire. Then I sit out in the yard and make smores over the embers of what is left. “I will rise from the ashes like a phoenix!” Yeah, that will not be the case this time.
It is 0630 and all is well.
I suppose I should get my act on the road. There is plenty of time for writing later, I have other things I must do today. You guys take care of yourselves. Fortune favors the bold! Carpe diem and all that crap.