If I was to attempt to put how I feel into words, I would say that I am empty.

Nothing, nada, zip.

Just a husk of what used to be a thriving individual.

It won’t always be this way, nor is it wrong to feel like you are nothing more than a soulless zombie stumbling through life with no other interest than existence.

If the coffee is hot and the wifi is free, I should be fine.

Before people start sending out search parties and dropping sage advice like “call the suicide hotline” let me clarify my position. This is just a comedic writing exercise or a mental exorcism. Either way, there is no reason to worry. I’m fine.

Why do I feel empty? I haven’t had a bowel movement in days. In no way should I feel empty, rather, I should be bloated like a dead whale washed up on the shores of Oregon (you must see that video on YouTube!)

Ah well, life goes on. I have no choice but to walk the path laid out before me.

Mental exorcism complete.

Freeman out.