This past Sunday, I was weak spiritually. I don’t know why I am putting you guys in my business, but let’s just run with it. The entire past week seemed to be depressing and I was inches away from making decisions that would impact my whole life. Of course, it rained the entire week, so that did not help matters. Instead of busying myself with projects around my house, I decided to brood about matters that I can’t control. This is not a sound decision.
However, Sunday arrived and I teetered on going or not going to church. Finally, I decided to head to church. Thankfully, I attend a prayed up church, and as I sat there I could feel myself become renewed in my spirit. The moral of my story is this, don’t brood about things that you can’t control. To emphasize this point, I will relay a story from my past.
In seven months, I lost my career, marriage and health in one fell swoop. In the same period of time, I had 90 seizures. I was suicidal, and my doctor contacted my mother and she moved to Colorado to take care of me. After my divorce, my parents and daughters were having lunch with me at Popeye’s Chicken in Fountain, Colorado. I was angry, bitter and more than a little prideful. My dad sat across from me, and he asked me a simple question. “Why are you mad?” Tears stung my eyes, and anger clouded my mind. Glaring at my father, I found it hard to breathe. “I don’t know!” My dad nodded his head in understanding. Then he knocked the ball out of the park. “Who are you mad at?” In this moment of anger, the truth of the matter came out. “I am mad at me!”
My ten years in the military lent me the illusion that I was in control. My losses over this seven month period destroyed that illusion. Compared to the vastness of space, I was small, and was not in control of anything. This led me to feeling like I was insignificant. It was an emotion that I gradually got used to feeling. During this period, I did not attend church, I was spiritually drained.
Cue me returning home. I was invited to the church that I now attend, and it has been an absolute Godsend. In the weariest and weakest moments of my life, my faith has been restored. The Scripture states, “that God is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.” In the hell that was my life, God did not forsake me. I am going on my third year of being back in church. When I am down, God lifts me up. When I need to be restored, God is there to provide me with my restoration. Yes, I have troubles and trials just like everyone else. However, I have peace in the midst of my storms. I know that whatever may come in my life, God will see me through it. It is this knowledge that provides me with the confidence to face whatever may come.
It is my hope that you guys have had a wonderful day. Whatever you may be facing, God is there. So lean on Him and let Him carry you through. The Scripture states, “I will look unto the hills from whence cometh my help.” God is an ever present help in times of trouble, so let Him be what you need.
Take care. I will catch up with you all soon.