Tooth pain, and my concerns about love.

My teeth are killing me. I have arrived at the point where I want to knock my teeth out with a hammer (or pay someone to do it). 20, count em out, 20 pain pills and half a bottle of liquid pain killer has not even lessened the pain. It should be said that I have taken 20 throughout the day (not all at once). I apologize if this thing seems sideways. My head is spinning like a whirly something.

Tomorrow marks my parents 49th anniversary. That is a long time. Between taking pills and drinking them, I have thought about what it means to love someone. How do you know that you love someone? Is there a smell? Does your heart race every time you seem them? Or is it something deeper than that? Congratulations to my parents on achieving this tremendous feat.

I am 45 years old, bald, obese and retired. There is little that I have to offer anyone in the realm of love. Companionship and sarcastic wit I could provide, however, when it comes to love people tend to be more attracted to people who are financially secure, decent looking, motivated and more. Thus, my claim that I have nothing to offer. It seems that I may be destined to spend the rest of my life alone. Maybe it’s the drugs but that seems doable.

It’s not that I don’t want to be loved or in a relationship that is healthy. Far from it, it would take a special someone who understands me to put up with me. Then there is me wanting to pick who I spend the rest of my life with (naturally they would have to pick me as well). Given the state of the world today, one is forced to question if true love even exists anymore. There are several examples that I can recall where people thought they were in love….but no, they decided to do something else.

In case I am not clear in saying they did something else, here it is in plain English: they chose to cheat. As I grow older, I realize the futility of spending time with the wrong people. I also don’t want to get married right off of the bat. Let’s take it slow, think it through (but don’t overthink it) and have fun together. Now to be fair, I have been known to fall in heat very quickly. Usually, it doesn’t last a week when that happens. So, if I stick it out for a year or more, there is something deep and rich there.

There is something fulfilling about being in love. Experiencing the world with someone who chooses you as their traveling buddy is as good as it gets. When the other person desires to be with you, there is nothing else like it on the planet. The air smells cleaner, the sun shines brighter and you feel like the richest person on Planet Earth. When it is wrong, there is nothing else like it either. You will know when you have the wrong one.

Here is my concern: Am I enough to make someone happy long-term? My mother and father have set a tough example to follow. 49 years is a lot of not giving up on each other. It is a lot of frustrations, anger and making up. It is moments of joy, tears, failures and victories. Together, they have built a life worth sharing. They have fought for each other and tomorrow they will share another year together. I honestly believe that love is blind.

You must be aware of each other’s faults but willing to understand that your life is better with the other in it. That is the only way to make a marriage last 49 years. Great. My tooth pain is now on both sides. There are going to be moments of pain in a long-term relationship, but you must be able to work it out and overcome it together. Therein lies my conundrum, can I overlook the faults of my partner and accept them for who they are? After a year together, I hope that I have proven that I am loyal to the idea of us. Sure, I get frustrated and if she is being honest, so does she. However, the key lies in forgiveness. You accept each other, and try again.

If life has taught me anything it is that persistence pays off. You try, fail and try again. Love is no different.

Well, my teeth still hurt but at least this blog is out of my system. You guys take care.

Freeman out.

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