In the sun drenched desert I lost my faith. My skin grew darker as the sun blistered my skin through the 100+ pounds of gear I wore. Inwardly, I was as barren as the desert I was standing in. I am dead inside. Devoid of life, no compassion, and no direction.
When you are stuck on rock bottom, where do you turn? Who do you depend on? When depression is dragging you under the inky, black waves for the last time, who do you call upon for help?
I tried, honest to God, I tried to save my marriage. I pulled every trick that I knew to save my career. I failed. There is no point in living. In the aftermath, I lost everything that I ever worked for. The more I struggled, the worse it got. It’s like quicksand! I am literally caught in a loop that refuses to end!
The only thing that kept me afloat was faith that eventually it would end. I was not going to give in to the situations that were beating the life ever-so-slowly out of me. If I am anything, I am stubborn.
Mentally exhausted, I tried to find something that would get me out of bed. Pleasure was nowhere to be found. I could not look at a woman without seeing how much it was going to cost me to get rid of her. Bitterness ate away at my soul. Anger clouded every part of my life. However, the bleak clouds slowly gave way to the light.
Faith keeps me grounded. In many ways, it keeps me going. If it hadn’t been for faith, I would have committed suicide a long time ago. Faith helped me understand that relationships, careers, and dreams may end but another door will open. Sometimes, we have to reach our limits to understand that we are not meant to carry the burden alone.
I hope that this will be an encouragement to you if you are struggling. Every day is not a bad day. Chin up, move forward, adapt and overcome. God bless you all.