Settling. It seems to me that people lack the longevity to wait for what it is that they want out of life. Whether it is a new car, house, friendship or relationship. In a society that craves instant gratification, we settle. “I really want an Audi A8, but this International Scout will do.” FYI there is nothing wrong with the Scout. It is insane how people apply this same thinking to marriage and relationships. “I don’t want to be with them, but I have nothing better going on.” Exactly how lazy are we? Here is where I have a problem with settling in a relationship. You involve people, get them to commit their heart to you, then you dump them because they were never good enough for you to begin with.
I am no champion of the hurt and oppressed. However, I am straight up and there are no doubts where I stand on any number of things. It’s the nice thing about writing a blog. When you settle in a relationship you cause pain that could have easily been avoided. How you might ask? By opening your mouth and speaking the truth. To clarify, I am talking about the truth, not your “truth.” Once you make a habit of settling it is difficult to break it. It is so much simpler to go for whatever it is that you want out of life. However, you must first know what it is that you want out of life or a relationship. This means that we must be honest with ourselves. Many people can’t tell themselves the truth or be honest concerning their own shortcomings. You can’t have an Audi A8 if you have a bicycle work ethic. A happy life, marriage, relationship, or career doesn’t just happen. At some point you must decide to put your back into it.
Some people just like to cause pain. Others may know what they want, they just can’t deal with past hurts, and the baggage that comes from past failures. Either way, when you settle you hurt the people that you settle for, by providing certain expectations that you will never live up to. If your heart is not in it, why bother? “I don’t want to hurt them.” Too late. You should have thought of that prior to leading them on. I don’t know how anyone else handles break-ups but here is how I do it: When it is over, I don’t want to remain friends. I have plenty of friends. We thought we could have something together, we tried, it didn’t work. Sticking around to see what you replace me with is not something that I am interested in. Is this a harsh reality? Sure. However, break-ups hurt, and I am not interested in prolonging my pain. Granted, there are times that I have wanted to remain friends, but it always snakes back to bite me. So, in an effort to limit the pain when these unfortunate events take place, I just make one clean cut. Who knows, maybe I will mellow out before the next one (if there is a next one).
Don’t settle in your relationship. Life is too short not to be enjoyed and too long to be miserable. Be kind. You should never involve other people’s hearts if your heart isn’t into it. That is all.