Today has been rough. I spent the morning at the VA. My sinuses have been bothering me, I could taste them on my breath. My primary care physician gave me a shot, ordered some meds, and checked me out. Weight loss has been a priority since I was told I was too fat to perform dental surgery on. I have lost 43 pounds (from 296-257). As I was waiting on my chance to see the doc, a man came in with both eyes missing. He had one glass eye, the other was milky. Immediately, I flashed back to that horrible day in Iraq. My buddy Brown had been blown up and his face was barely hanging on by just a small piece of burnt flesh. 89-90 small children were killed that day. Their little bodies littered the playground that we had just opened for them. I wandered through the chaos that day with pockets filled with little body parts trying to sort the dead from the living. It was one of the most awful days that I have ever experienced.
I hate PTSD. There is no way to control it. Smells, music, scar tissue, or weather may trigger it at any moment. I sit there and wish that I could carve out the memories that plague me. My ears are ringing so bad right now. Tinnitus is a constant companion. War destroyed the person that I was. Yes, I understand no one forced me to go. However, someone must stand in the gap and make up the hedge. We can’t all be sheep. Someone must be rough, stand strong, and defend the sheep. In a society that worships non-violence, unless you live in Chicago, or joined Antifa, Black Lives Matter, or perhaps the Black Panthers then you can be as violent as you would like. After all, only white people can be racist according to these lunatics. I digress. It was a mistake to go to the VA by myself. Between the memories and tears, I slowly made my way home. I stopped by Lowes and saw a person who reminded me of Brown. It was all I could do to keep from running out of my favorite store. Eventually, I made it home. I spent the rest of my day at my parents trying to hide from the pain. Unfortunately, I am home now, and the memories are staring me in the face. Nothing can be done to erase the past. However, I know a man that can take away the pain.
At a certain juncture in my life, I would say that its name was Jameson. Whiskey only compounds the problem. I am referring to a man named Jesus. Regardless of the storm, I don’t walk alone. I may be alone, but He is never far from my presence. The winds may howl, the sea may roar with the fury of the gods, but I am built upon the Rock of Ages. In the darkness, He is my light, when I am in the wilderness He is my provider. Whatever the need may be, He is all powerful and can provide every need according to His riches in glory. Prayer without faith is useless. It is like a car without gasoline. You aren’t going to get very far. I am thankful for a church that prays for me. May God richly bless you all in your endeavors. Take care!