I’m not running away

There are days when I want to throw my belongings in the back of my truck, drive as far away as I can and hide from life. Today is one of those days. It is unexplainable. Feelings like this pop up on my radar more often than I care to admit. Surely, I am not the only person that feels this way. Usually, something has happened, or someone is to blame. It is not that way for me. Friends and family are good to me. There is no one to yell at for making me feel so despondent. Perhaps, I am to blame. If I don’t have to face my demons I don’t, when they unleash hell upon my life I still don’t confront them. Facing the past is troublesome for me. Memories of past actions, lack of action, and other occurrences sometimes proves to be overwhelming.

Church has proven to be an asset in dealing with the trouble from my past. Prayer, fasting, Bible reading, all play a role in keeping the past at bay. However, trouble still visits the most on-fire individuals who are brimming with the power of the Holy Ghost. The difference is the name of the Lord is a strong tower, the righteous run into it and are safe. When the winds are howling, the sea is foaming at the mouth to devour us, the Lord is our rock. Our anchor points. With the Lord we may walk through the storm, but we never walk alone. Troubles may come and go, but the Lord is our ever-present friend. God, I feel better already.

In the darkest hours of my life, I knew that God could make all things better. I resisted. Much like these idiots that make up society today. In the drug addled brain of mine, the thought was that I could tough it out. “Wife wants to leave? Go then. Don’t let the door hit you on your way out!”  Then when she left, I knew that I had failed. My addiction to alcohol and prescription pills continued to make my life a living hell. Epilepsy, divorce and the end of my career nearly killed me. It was God that worked out the details in my life. He brought me home. It hasn’t been an easy road to travel, but God is faithful. The greatest part of my story is that I haven’t had to talk to a shrink since I got back in church! God is my counselor, provider, healer and Savior.

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