My first article

Political humor is hard, also a bit nutty!

I never considered politics or political figures to be funny. Politicians seem to be constipated, humorless, dry husks that have forgotten how to shower in fountains of joy. Of course, of all the politicians in office one is bound to have favorites that bring happiness and joy to their lives. I am no different. My favorites are: Nancy “Does this Botox make my lips look fat?” Pelosi, Dianne “Bulldog” Feinstein, and the incomparable Chuck Schumer. Ted Cruz just seems like an angry immigrant who thought that the best way to seek revenge was to run for office. That will show them! John “What Dossier?” McCain is my favorite. Paul Ryan looks like he is in a constant state of befuddlement. This is the cream of the crop man (if it is, we are so screwed!)

However, my biggest issues with politics and politicians in general, is the scheme hatchery that plays out in dark, back rooms where suitcases of money exchange hands for political gain. The pay-to-play mentality is old-hat. Politicians always claim that they have the answers for what ails us as a society. In the theater of my mind I witness the following play out in HD:

Me: Sir/Ma’am, excuse me, I have a problem that I need some help with.

Politician: I can fix that (in a Bob the Builder sing song voice)

Me: That is great! How much?

Politician: Sign here, here, here and here. All I want is your money and rights!

These toon’s get together every year, and they bust each other’s chops on how to finance the grandiose schemes that we all end up paying for. We don’t have the money to finance our teachers and their classrooms? No problem. We will increase taxes until the populace’s backs are almost broken. On and on it goes. Oh, we need the money now? No problem! We will take from Social Security and inflate education cost until no one can afford Ramen Noodles! Thank God, we get to watch the magic happen. My momma would have slapped my jaws if I lied as much as a career politician! I also see the following play out in my mind.

Mom: Boy, are you lying to me?

Me: No ma’am.

Mom: Yes, you are! Do you know where liars go?

Me: Well, it ain’t McDonald’s!

Mom: SLAP!

There must be a better way! Maybe if we slap our politicians around then maybe we can jar something loose, but I am afraid that if we do that, we will all be coated in loads of crap. Yet, we put them in office. That is the sad part of it all. We did it to ourselves. “Take my money and fix my problems” is the motto of this generation. Everyone has a right, and no one has a responsibility. As a society we have quit being self-sufficient and have become a generation of people who are waiting on the next hand out. We can’t blame politicians for putting on their suits and charging up their smiles when we do not take any responsibility for our lives.

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