Must everything just crash all at once? Seriously, any plans that I make end up destroyed. Seek employment, not supposed to do that. At what point do I get to win? It seems that regardless of the path that I choose, they both end up completely decimated. I don’t know what to do. At this moment, it seems that giving up would be the best, and least painful option.
I hate giving up. Throughout my whole life I have fought for what I believe in, and what I wanted to accomplish. Now, it is one frustration after another. I try to get my teeth fixed, and that is shot to crap. I try to go to my daughter’s graduation, that is a colossal failure. On and on, the list just keeps growing. It has been a nightmare these past few months. I feel that I can’t wake up. Obviously, I can’t do anything right. I have walked through dark times but this…
In the military I could not stand incompetence. I am surrounded by it in the civilian sector. My head hurts constantly. This whole situation could have been avoided if the person who gave me bad information would have kept their mouth shut. However, that would have been too easy. They just had to open their mouth and let it rip. Now, I am going to pay the price for their stupidity. Sometimes, I hate people. At my absolute worst, I never screwed people over. I am sure that the person thought that they were helping, but they have jeopardized everything.
I digress. Regardless of the outcome, God is still here. I have a wonderful lady friend who also supports me, not to mention my family and friends. There is no doubt that I will survive this too. It seems bleak and that there is no light to be found. However, the Bible states that, “God is a friend that is closer than a brother.” In my darkest moments, I have never doubted that God loves me and will keep me. So, let come what may, I will be right here waiting.
Life is like a roller coaster, with ups and downs, twists and turns. Sometimes, I wish that I possessed the ability to just take it as it comes. However, I am not that guy. My problem is that I care too much, and I overthink to much. There is no doubt that I will probably make myself sick with worry. Even though I know that there is nothing that I or anyone else can do to change what is. The situation is out of my hands. My father told me after an extremely difficult day, “Can you change it?” To which I responded, “No sir.” Then he gave me the secret. “Just let it go.” That is where I am today, and it sucks oh so bad. I can’t fix it. So, I will let it go, and then I will make me a cup of coffee and listen to the rain beat out a tempo on my tin roof.
Speaking of rain, why not? A crappy day deserves a send off such as this. God knows, we have had more than our share so far this year. I suppose it is a valuable time to be a farmer, however, it is insane how thick my grass is at this moment. As the thunder rumbles and lightening strikes, it seems that now would be an ideal time to power nap. So, I will close with these words: Not every day is a difficult day. When it is, if you can’t change what is……let it go.